I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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