You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
