I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
