"it" just moved
just tell him i said nine months
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
