She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
People in love make me want to vomit
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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