We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
