Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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