Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Two words: nipple clamps
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