Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
