Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
