Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
