I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
