oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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