I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
