trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
