ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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