just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
