why didn't you poke me back
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
