trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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