i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
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