i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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