drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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