God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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