Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
