Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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