Will you blow on my dice?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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