Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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