as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
