if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
PANTIES FOUND
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