Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
