I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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