just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
