She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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