Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
