a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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