At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
