First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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