I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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