My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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