It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
