I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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