Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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