i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
