i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
