I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
worst night to have a conscience
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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