Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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