I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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