Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
