I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
