I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
