I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
