So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
