I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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