Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
