This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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