Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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