i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
