You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize