He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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