Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
