I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
