dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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