If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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