Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
