i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
