Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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