just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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