Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
