The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
