mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
