So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
