tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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