My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
