We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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