Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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