maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
This baby is an asshole
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
