It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
